Cartooning Like You Mean It

Cartooning, Teaching & Living – by Tom Hart

Third Obstruction: Tom’s Response

with 12 comments

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Ok here my response to the third obstruction

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This was fun, stressful, a lot of work. There’s only one eno lyric in here, but I riffed on a lot more. A whole lot. Also- this will make Matt mad: I drew the dots. You’ll see what I mean. Maybe he’ll make me erase them; they are pictorial, after all.

Chronologically, I place it between strip 1 (the 20 panels) and strip 2 (the dolphin and the sea.)

I started inking and realized people would want to kibitz, so I am posting partially inked.

As a special treat, here is a recording of my Macintosh reading out loud my working script.

(Note from 2016: Still looking for that file on a missing hard drive. I quite like it, will post soon!)

(I confessed having rushed to post to make a personal 1 am deadline, but I mostly like it. May make gentle revisions (maybe after I revisit an earlier draft.))

Matt tells me he will post my 4th on Wednesday morning.

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Written by hutchowen

June 13, 2007 at 1:08 am

12 Responses

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  1. Here’s what I don’t like: “the dust of the world”…

    Don’t like that box. But I like most else.

    Tom

    June 13, 2007 at 1:11 am

  2. nicely done, there is some nice character to the lettering, without it being too crazy in a Dave Sim kind of way, and some nice rhythms. I can imagine someone reading this out at a poetry slam.
    Not being much of an eno guy, can you share what the actual lyric is?

    andrew

    June 13, 2007 at 3:12 am

  3. just wanted to clarify – the poetry slam thing was intended to be positive.

    andrew

    June 13, 2007 at 7:51 am

  4. Very poetic, Tom. And a nice interstital strip for the previous two.

    I like the use of the visual falling with the talk of falling at the very end.

    I’m a little unclear about the first uninked balloon. Kind of looks like a thought balloon?

    Derik

    June 13, 2007 at 10:55 am

  5. Tom, you’re right that the dots bother me a bit, but mainly because they don’t seem necessary to the strip, and I won’t make a big deal out of it if you decide to keep them. I think this strip turned out very nicely. I like the productive ambiguity of the different text boxes. The “boxes” seem like Hutch’s thoughts but who is the “you” who will say “Hutch went south for the fall fall fall”? And what do the balloons with wavy lines mean?

    I’m glad that this strip seemed to provoke out of you possibly your most poetic strip since New Hat, do you agree? The text would work nicely as a song lyric, too. Like an Eno song you hear in a dream: “Oh yeah, isn’t this track Q on Another Green World?”

    I’m working on a fourth obstrcution but it probably won’t be until this afternoon.

    PS There’s a bit of Captain Beefheart in there too: me and crow/grey black crow/flip flap/flip flop.

    Matt Madden

    June 13, 2007 at 11:14 am

  6. I think that’s the best of the three strips so far. Nice work!

    The last caption in the second “panel” is kind of hard to parse — I feel like it would profit from a comma or two, to clarify the grammar. (You’re using emphasis to do this, but punctuation really couldn’t hurt, and Matt’s obstructions don’t rule it out.) In particular, I am thinking of the line that reads “dots and dots,” where you really need a syntactical separator of some kind after the first “dots.”

    This is the pedantical English professor in me rearing its ugly head.

    That aside, I think this succeeds terrifically, and it reads very well AS a comic, despite the absence of images. (Take that, Scott McCloud!) It doesn’t even really need the dots, in my opinion.

    It’s interesting how the step of limiting your vocabulary to monosyllables can make you more conscious of poetic possibilities in the language (repetition, here, does a lot of work). You’d think that writing with simple words would limit your expressiveness, but the extra decision-making seems to make you more expressive, by making each word work harder.

    Isaac Cates

    June 13, 2007 at 12:08 pm

  7. I think the lack of punctuation in that caption Isaac talks about serves to enhance the rhythm and alliteration of the words, in a Gertrude Stein sort of way.

    Matt Madden

    June 13, 2007 at 1:20 pm

  8. The extended language in the panel in question is my attempt to riff on the crazy Eno lyric towards the middle of “King’s Lead Hat”, it’s sheer ecstatic nonesense:
    “All I know and all I have is time and time and tide is on my side” (I think that’s it. )

    I’m proud of my variation – I even timed it so the final rhymes are in the same syllabalic (sp?) location.

    Matt’s right about the dots.

    The “real” Eno line is the second to last one.

    I was thinking that the wavier balloons represented a description of something happening in real time- a complete observation.

    To continue, it’s very very oblique and maybe not successful:
    the first time it’s the wings, the second- is something in his eye? the third, this is strange… With this line of thinking, the panel “watch the dead dots on the sea” seemed to request to be wavy, and I’m still thinking about it, though I would prefer it would have a noun in that sentence if so. Maybe it’s all hopelessly convoluted.

    Is it clear what the “pows” represent?

    Tom

    June 13, 2007 at 2:04 pm

  9. Maybe my “dots and dots” complaint just has to do with the way the lettering seems to parse the words against their grammatical sense. (Putting “dots and dots” on the same line suggests that they fulfill the same grammatical role and are syntactically parallel, but in fact the second “dots” is a subject, where the first is an object. Plus, the comma is grammatically necessary, if you’re going to follow the rules of standard written English.)

    But this is a very minor and (as I said) pedantic point, not one to worry about.

    If the “POW” effects are supposed to be Oswald’s gun, shouldn’t it also be going “POW” when it’s fired in the third (second) strip?

    Isaac Cates the Damn Pedant

    June 13, 2007 at 3:05 pm

  10. Maybe my “dots and dots” complaint just has to do with the way the lettering seems to parse the words against their grammatical sense. (Putting “dots and dots” on the same line suggests that they fulfill the same grammatical role and are syntactically parallel, but in fact the second “dots” is a subject, where the first is an object. Plus, the comma is grammatically necessary, if you’re going to follow the rules of standard written English.)

    But this is a very minor and (as I said) pedantic point, not one to worry about.

    If the “POW” effects are supposed to be Oswald’s gun, shouldn’t it also be going “POW” when it’s fired in the third (second) strip?

    Isaac Cates the Damn Pedant

    June 13, 2007 at 3:06 pm

  11. Sorry for the double post, there: trigger finger stutter.

    Isaac Cates

    June 13, 2007 at 3:07 pm

  12. Hey have you finished inking this yet? Let’s see it.

    Matt Madden

    June 14, 2007 at 8:08 pm


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